catching up ! Whoops

Seems I have posted two of our little Christmas crafts but alas I will keep them there as I have no idea how to delete. You would think winter has passed quickly based on my lack of posting but it has been slow and hard. AnnaLeisa had a week of RSV - fevers, respiratory symptoms, no appetite and then an ear infection. No sooner did she return to daycare when I devleoped influenza A. Terrible and thank heavens for friends taking her to daycare, grocery shopping for us and generally allowing me to be ill. It was a slog. Welcome to the harsh realities of single parenting. The blessing was we were not sick at the same time and that she did not devlope my flu. And can I say enough about homeopathy and remedies that kept us out of emergency rooms. Thank you thank you Laurie!!! Christmas was great as you can see. Such a time for little 3 year old hearts. Joy and delight. And how do you keep the number of gifts to something reasonable. Do all mothers say "next year I will keep it to a minimum"?

ramblings

Some deeper thoughts often lurk beneath all the surface joy and day to day life. Thoughts about single parenting, birthparents, attachment, transracial adoption, Chinese heritage and racism to name a few. They linger in my day ....daily. Often I read, contemplate and murmur about the realities of our day to day life. I had no conscious idea before I adopted AnnaLeisa where our journey would bring us but I knew deep in my heart it was a "true" calling. We have been deeply blessed and I know this in the depth of my soul.

I also know the delicate care involved in parenting a child whose story is based in grief. To tell the truth with loving honesty and to constantly reassure her that I will never leave. That our relationship is forever. That I love her deeply. It is the one fear all adopted children face.... to again be abandoned. This fear is in AnnaLeisa's play and in her facial expressions daily and cannot be ignored.

I couple this knowledge with the love of life and to share this with AnnaLeisa without ruffles but with a deeper mystery that is pervasive. I know to live this, not in words, but in how I live and how I act in our life. Even in the most devastating moments of parenting to let this be the truth.... that we are human and with flaws. None of us are exempt. And that is good.

I think in these times of spirituality ... and this has no concrete answer either....

I could sing the praises of my girl into the forever sky and there would be no end. To the depth that this journey has provided and to how my heart has broken countless times only to be bigger and then broken again. By the simplest of moments that crack and crack one's ideas so deliciously.

I tell AnnaLeisa I love her everynight and I say I love her "ten times ten times ten into forever" and in that is a truth that we have yet to comprehend. It is vast and large and permanent.

I only ask for continued support from dear friends and from those with greater knowledge than I......

Once as I held AnnaLeisa I felt my heart expand around us both and we were one... surrounded by a sphere of completeness

Once and that is enough...

Here is a photo when we first returned from China and then us more recently
to be continued.....

play time....

Thought I would capture some recent images of AnnaLeisa and I in our life at home. We often do not have our photo taken together so these are a smattering of many. They show our little home, Lola, and some friends. Life is full good and sometimes more than a little challenging! I love sharing our life with those from afar and with those who care about our life and how we are doing....
for those who do not have a chance to correspond I do know that you check in regularly......

we send our love and affection and thank you for being in our lives....

No Story of AnnaLeisa is complete if Stones are not mentioned.....

AnnaLeisa soothes herself with stones. Particular stones; cool, round, smooth, and the size of her fist or larger. She uses them instead of a blankie and they are her comfort. She rubs them all over her body and includes every web between her toes and in all of her fingers and softly around her face. She can suck her thumb at the same time but often I find her only with one stone... that is until it is warm and then it is recycled with another cool one; or should I say cold one. On occasion she has touched me in bed with one of her new ones and I am startled as if with an ice cube. She rolls them on the side of her eyes, on her warm belly and is even known to roll all over them with her back!
Quite the phenomena to sleep next too!

So I have included a photo of her side of the bed where she keeps her favorite stash. They are everywhere including the carseat, in my purse, in my pockets, in finding spots all over the house including in a brass pot by the TV. Sometimes she just turns around in bed and sticks her feet under her pillow so she can massage them all at once. Or while watching TV she will dump them all out of the brass pot and sit on them ...

She will want them urgently when she needs them and everyone in Daycare returns her stones to her quite promptly, all the children are quite kind with returning the precious gems to AnnaLeisa.

In winter I am known to dig under snow while we are on stone hunts and often we come home with new dirty bundles to wash in the sink.

I had no idea we would be so connected to stones and I do not know the link for her but I so remember after our first cold winter here I picked up a stone in the spring and said "look honey a soft stone, you can take it and rub it on your cheek and it is so soft and smooth...."

As if I did that on a regular basis?!!

So there it is some kind of tactile, kinesthetic comfort that I admire and love.

Recently she told me that she will not use them when she is big...? I think someone said it at daycare? I quickly corrected her to let her know she can always have stones as friends.. no matter how big she gets. That they never ever have to go anywhere.....

we love them

I think they are real grounders....

Our 2 year Anniversary was celebrated in Chinatown

We did manage to celebrate with two other members of our original travel group to China. It was great to see everyone and to marvel at our lives with these little cherubs. And may I add "imps"! As you can see they had a ball running amuck in the Chinese restaurant. They ran continuously back and forth to the fish tank because Nimo was in there.... It is wonderful to see them together because now they know their history and know the others were with them in China. It is there longest link and one to nurture and cherish. We missed some of the others this year but they plan to come next year. Looking forward to more time to play.

ahhhh how the climate and seasons change

Time just keeps on a tickin' as I look back in these posts I am reminded of when we returned from China and AnnaLeisa played in the snow. It has been late this year and the weather milder. Last year was so dry we did not really get to play in the 'fun' snow. But our first snowfall this year fell on the holiday (Nov 11) and we did everything in one hour that we missed last year. We made snow angels - that sang - made a snowman and quite vigorously had a snowball fight. It was great fun and AnnaLeisa waddled and managed the playground quite famously. Since then we have had no further accumulation and that is fine with me.

Halloween was here!

AnnaLeisa was quite clear that she did not want Halloween and we decided we were going to "skip it...." Like we do bad music on the radio! But as the day came closer and I told AnnaLeisa there was a sign outside saying "No monsters allowed!" she became more half heartedly enthused. Daycare had a very low key party and she enjoyed the fun of dress up for about 5 minutes. When we arrived home from work and had 30 minutes for supper and then a possible quick stop at our neighbours I persevered with coaxing her to dress up. So off we went as some semblance of a "bear dog - named Yoyo". Well I could literally see the light bulb go off above her head when we stopped at our neighbors and she said "trick or treat" for the first time. You see AnnaLeisa had no association with Halloween and candy. Well I could not get her home. "Let's go to another one Mama!". So we did.. and the neighbours were so generous she was getting 5 at a stop. Sheeesh. So you can see from the pics she enjoyed her stash..... And was she excited about being out in the dark..... P.S. Note Lola in the last pic.

there is nothing like cake and ice cream

AnnaLeisa and I were invited to a friend's pool birthday party! Bao is eleven years old so we had fun with the older kids in the pool and then consumed energy in the form of cake and ice cream. Yahhh... good ole sugar. AnnaLeisa looks wonderful in these fully engrossed photos consuming cake with her eyes and anticipating the ice cream with fully devouring looks. She scrambled right in there to the front of the line and I loved watching her. She is not what one would consider shy.....

snippet

As a prelude one needs to know that Annaleisa loves loves loves tatooing her body. It can be with marker, stickers, paint or actual tatoos that wash off. In any event her favorite passtime is to color her body, or yours. The other day AnnaLeisa and I were going to daycare and work... it was after a long hiatus without seeing the moon. It was dark out and she saw the moon in the early dark hours of the day. She stood in the backyard with her arms outstretched and proclaimed loudly "moon! moon! I missed you so much, I am soo happy to see you, come on down and I will give you a big tatoo".....

made my day.

Brett's Visit

AnnaLeisa's cousin Brett was here for a week in the summer... boy did we have fun. It was great to have such a beautiful young man here to play and enjoy our home. thanks Brett.....
considering he is used to daily surfing the Atlantic ocean with his brother's he was somewhat landlocked here in the prairies. All I could do on a hot day was offer him the Legislature fountains for water while he was here.... Truly a different land for a fellow who is part fish.... or should I say dolphin?

Calendar pics

I have been creating a 2009 calendar for our travel group who all met in China in Oct of 06. It has been really fun to see the pics arrive and to compile a calendar including all of the girls. I have yet to see the final product but in the meantime I took oodles of pictures of AnnaLeisa .... here are some.

Autumn New Moon Festival

The New Moon Festival was on Sept 14th this year and a group of us went for Dim Sum to a local favorite. It was nice to have some noodles, dumplings and chat. We also remembered the spirit of the holiday through a Chinese connection who was able to send AnnaLeisa's orphanage some New Moon Cakes. It seemed a nice idea to let the nannies know that we think of them highly and are grateful. Also that we consider them AnnaLeisa's ancestors. The orphanage then sent us back a photo; I was excited as I thought it would be a photo of them but it was a photo of our present. I was pleased to hear back and surprised. We included a picture of AnnaLeisa and myself so they could see us in our joy.
Again we thank them.....

Fog and friends

Nice to beach it at the places Derek and Colin were Lifeguarding. We felt quite cared for. The water was remarkably warm for this coast and time of year so we could jump in and play for lengths of time. AnnaLeisa was too frightened to go near the water and fair enough. Interesting to see all the other children who are so accustomed to the surf play in the vigorous waves. Maybe next year? I love the coast and the sea and the intensity. It is the place to be for me in the summer. And we had some time with AnnaLeisa on Grandpa's boat. The one of many many lakes in the metro area.

A Very Belated Post -

Gosh we are Late with this post and it is so worthy of putting online. We had a marvelous time in Nova Scotia for 3 weeks this summer. Mom and Dad arranged for us to spend some wonderful family time in a cottage on the South Shore near Peggy's Cove. You can see the glorious rocks and stones .... and for those of you that know AnnaLeisa that is truly her medium.

I will post a series of shots so you can see family and how much AnnaLeisa had grown and changed from the previous summer. We love going 'home' and spending time in Nova Scotia with family. Thanks everyone!

And another little party for all of AnnaLeisa's adult friends

So Sunday morning I invited many of my friends who were at AnnaLeisa's welcoming to come for her birthday. All of her aunties and uncles who have loved her in so many ways. She knows each of them intimately and she sees them often. We love what each of you brings to our life. AnnaLeisa firstly played with her Dora Car and then we were outside again. Coffee and watermelon.

It is not complete to finish our birthday postings without remembering and acknowledging all of AnnaLeisa's China birth family. I was in bed at night with great gratitude and of course with much poignancy.

Birthday Party!

AnnaLeisa had a wonderful birthday.... and I think I can do the birthday Mom thing?! It all came together when the weather was 28 degrees and a little pool for the 4 Three year olds was a success. We decorated little chocolate cupcakes and all in just played and chatted with the parents. For all that AnnaLeisa knew of birthdays I am sure we could have had very little and she would have been happy but the celebration and the "making of special" was important. There were no major meltdowns or problems with sharing ... just three children playing and playing... as they should.

AnnaLeisa's Third Birthday week end......

AnnaLeisa's birthday events started at Daycare where the party happened with all her friends at snack time. It was so fun to see her excitement and most of it was about the candles. Not just blowing them out by herself but also licking the bottom too!!!
After daycare everyday AnnaLeisa wants to "run in the field". Here you can see her long legs as she truly grows and grows in so many ways.

Paint Porfolios

AnnaLeisa has been immersed in paint. Daycare comments frequently at her art and we now have walls covered in out little home. I love watching her total body involvement and her concentration. I don't remember playing like that with color and with such imagination. Of course it does involve some cleaning and some bathing and the pillowcases are smeared in the morning but it is worth it! So we posted our recent images and can only kiss those little cheeks and smile in admiration... or is it adoration?

Make a Smilebox postcard

We had a wonderful time on the West Coast recently and saw many old and dear friends. It was great to leave the snow and frolic on beaches and in playgrounds. AnnaLeisa had a great time finding new stones to take home and also cruising on the ferry to Victoria. As some of you may now know we were contemplating a move to Victoria. It now seems wise to take our time uprooting as we are still a young family and the stress in the process seemed huge. So we loved seeing Laurie, Sean and Sarah, Auntie Dawn and Grandy Dorie, and meeting little Sam. Thank you all for the warm warm welcome. We will wait with an open heart to make a big decision regarding our home.

Winter is dripping away - hurray!

Finally signs of spring and the thaw... I really do love the renewal of all that is alive. Naked trees start to dress and the mud smells refreshingly like all that is to come.... I think I endure winters and especially now that it involves so much dressing when AnnaLeisa and I venture out. But here are some images. One is of AnnaLeisa in a New Years hat with her hockey stick and skates indoors. The others are also of Mom when she was here at Christmas. So yes, we do get out, we do have fun and Halleluliah!! - it appears to be ending. Days are longer, daylight savings is here, we are on trikes and as AnnaLeisa says 'no mittens Mommy?"

Chinese New Year was as poignant as always for me! The time spent waiting and now the celebration of our children's heritage and cultures. We had fun playing games at a Chinese party for our Mandarin class and as you can see the gentleman enjoying AnnaLeisa's flying demo! She is also posing with her orphanage friend with the funny faces and I love that they continue to see each other also. Thank you to the local Chinese community for your gracious invitations!

A photo shoot!

We quickly ran into Sears to have a photography session late in November so that we could send some nice Christmas presents to our family and friends. I was very sceptical, both in terms of the final quality, and also whether AnnaLeisa would be able to sit and engage. Well were we impressed! The black shoes dominated the dress photo but the Chinese outfit won hands down.
She had a lovely time with the young photographer and she was able to "catch" AnnaLeisa in many many ways. We were thrilled and so were the receivers. I have been remiss in terms of finally posting them and as you can imagine she is already changed and new again. She bursts forward again and again and I love every little stage. She is talking away... singing constantly and plays with full force.

The Hairstylist? or the Doctor? Or Nurse?

AnnaLeisa is having fun exploring her vocation. I'd say she has some interesting clientele - (Especially the guy with no hair!). Some days I think she will be a musical prodigy; others have me quite concerned that I am going to be a "hockey mom" in the bleachers screaming. Whatever, her imagination is quite intact and her range in terms of the gender gap is healthy. Today she mentioned she is a boy.... so each day brings new surprises and the new year has begun. Happy New Year to everyone! From us......

Our First Christmas at Home has been Magical

We have been enjoying our very very simple season with G'ma and G'pa and it has been so perfect. Quiet and magical with AnnaLeisa's innocence at this time of year. We have been skating and on horse drawn wagon rides; we have sat with Santa and watched string quartets play carols and we have opened our first stocking on Christmas morn. All AnnaLeisa could say was "came, Santa came" with total incredulity; she was in magic and miracle. So we are happy in our little home. Quiet in the snow with little movement to Malls and the like. Seems it should be a tradition to just keep it simple. Quiet and very restful. Thanks to G'ma and G'pa for those delicious lie -ins in the morning.

Look at You!

Daily you take me to new depths and this week we have returned to China and your roots far sooner than I imagined. We have read some books from the library that depict little girls and their journey from orphanages in China. You want to look at them regularly and you have me read them over and over; especially the sections with pictures of nannies looking after all the babies in their cribs. You take your doll and cuddle her saying you are her nanny. And we look at all our photos from China; your nannies and when you and I met. You can point to a map and tell me where your home was and you say it with such pride. I had no idea how soon we would be chatting about your roots and your journey. I love that you are engaged so much and with such true enthusiasm towards your homeland; we will visit again AnnaLeisa.

And tonight I giggle at your emerging imagination as you drag your computer keyboard around the house by the cord as it is now a dog. You give clear commands to "sit" and to "tum". You are now asleep with the keyboard lying beside you - where all pets should be.

And you also spoke your first 4 word sentence much to G'pa's delight. "Tuming, Papa, soon, happy".

Yes... you are my dearest ..... dear dear girl. Sleep well.

One Year Together!

One year! A whole year! I am so amazed at how much has happened for us both. We are such a little unit (+ the dogs) and our little bond is now a big bubble. AnnaLeisa amazes me in her joy and her natural tendency to be happy. From a frightened little girl she has emerged as a very assertive (two year old) who has a sense of humour and also a heart which naturally leans to compassion. I cherish our times cuddling and navigating the world.

I continue to be humbled by my role in her life and the patterning and blueprinting I establish on an organic level. The last year has been one of immense insight and I thank everyone who has helped us along the way! From gifts we play with, wear, or dance to; to time spent making memories, to feedback that has helped us grow - we have only benefited.

Work is going well, AnnaLeisa grabs every moment at daycare and we come home early to be together during the afternoon.

We finish our final report with our Social Worker tomorrow and with that memo a note of gratitude will go to China. It is only deep gratitude that I know when I drop into my chest and ponder my life and how it has changed and been enriched by my girl AnnaLeisa. To the deepest part of myself and to China - Thank you.

Uncle Gary Came to Visit!

And we had a great time just hanging and playing and all that goes along with being family. Gary has three teenage boys so he is great at entertaining and being with the little ones. I think he misses it actually. Until we came downstairs and woke him at unearthly hours! He did enjoy being with a little girl though as you can see it may be his first time holding a doll? Can't quite get over the look of surprise on his face. And what about the little swimmer. Gary's boys are competitive swimmers in Nova Scotia so this is a shot of AnnaLeisa proudly wearing Gary's swim goggles. She looks sooo funny being one of the family. Your cousins will be suitably proud dear girl. Now if only you weren't so afraid of the water.

Noah!

Noah is our little friend who often comes to play with AnnaLeisa. As you can see they are good mates and in looks quite opposite. AnnaLeisa often speaks of Noah and comments regularly on his Momma who is now almost 9 months pregant. She somehow knew she had a baby inside and wants it to "wake". She often touches little baby in the belly in a quiet and reverent way so as to be very touching. Come by when you can Noah ... we love to have you play with us! Here they are watching and cuddling to Thomas the Tank; AnnaLeisa's favorite as we drive by trains daily and she chants "Choo Choo".

Our New Do!

Gosh we have fun at Daycare! I arrived to take AnnaLeisa home and imagine my surprise when I saw that back of her head in this wild do! They said it matched her personality. I agree... they actually mentioned that she can be so happy you can see every cell is popping. Here she is at home counting her fingers as we have it now scripted in terms of her day. One is Daycare, then Bye, Play Play Play, Back (me) and then Home. She has me recite this quite frequently and you can see here she is palming a plum instead of one of her precious finds - stones. And of course her thumb.

Autumn New Moon Festival

We commemorated Autumn New Moon Festival with other families in Chinatown. These are some of the girls after dinner as they played in the restaurant. (AnnaLeisa is in the red outfit) This holiday is the Chinese day for acknowledging ancestors and is particularly poignant for AnnaLeisa and I as we remember her parents and her lineage. It was like a silent prayer of gratitude and honour and also a request for guidance in terms of best allowing AnnaLeisa to know her roots.
The girls are now familiar with each other and have such a nice time together when we do meet. AnnaLeisa has me recite each girls name repeatedly when we drive home.

I cannot believe we have not posted for so long ! Whoops.... and we are great..... As you can see.

I posted the photo of AnnaLeisa's long hair as we laughed and laughed to see it so long. She has gorgeous hair and I have only cut the bangs thus far and think maybe we may need to reconsider that soon?

In any event I am now back at work. AnnaLeisa is enjoying daycare and is somewhat the class goof or clown already. She knows all her little friends by name and she loves to eat there too. She still cries when I leave but I listen outside of the door and she stops before I count to 5. And she loves loves loves to come home.

I on the otherhand did not consider the aspect that work would now be a factor in my time. Our home is sadly needing cleaning and also the dogs had to adjust to our being away.

But we are well..... and these last two days have been of us not driving the car. Walking the dogs in the ravine. Walking slowly enough for AnnaLeisa to contemplate each stone and to palm them with such tenderness. And to just be together..... I have loved it.

Some of these shots are also in Chinatown of Edmonton. Eating noodles and remembering China from last October.

I love being with AnnaLeisa ... she is genuinely happy and often I hear her singing off by herself or watch her dancing and shaking her little butt to her own beat. I am as happy as I have ever known and now feel confident that our post China adjustment has really occurred.

Now to get an evening of Tango in as I miss my little dance.

The DayCare Dialogues

Although I have few recent photos I wanted to post an entry about our transition to daycare. I must say that the daycare is exceptional and I trust all of the workers have AnnaLeisa's best interests at heart. She is hard not to care for!

And it has been much much more difficult than I imagined. We started with me staying and playing and introducing her to the physical environment and to the new routines. This was all good.... playing with Mom and with many children and new friends around - what could be better? Great! And it was all reasonably ok when I started to leave for short times.

Then I started to leave for longer and managed to stay in coffee shops nearby in case they called and she needed me ( so lucky I could do this). All still reasonably ok...

Then she broke out in total body hives - some as large as 2 inches in diameter. That was when my heart broke and I realized how hard and big all of this was for her!

Her inner stress was now manifesting on her body. I know AnnaLeisa expresses much through her skin but this was the most dramatic it had looked. And ....she was still sleeping, eating and playing so managing quite well on the whole.

Then we returned on Monday for 4 mornings. Her skin healed thanks to a homeopathic remedy. Well..... it was progressively harder for her and for myself as the week progressed. Her four sequential words to describe the process is "daycare", "bye", "back"and "home". I continually reassure her that I come back and I know embodying this will take time for her. She loves coming "home". She is pale and exhausted and also very needy of her Mom. I try to give her as much control and attention as she needs and now we are home for a very very quiet and restful weekend before another week of 4 mornings. This week I must work.

As I explained to another.... I have spent all my time 24/7 "bonding" with my little girl. "Attaching", "Connecting" and "Being there" as much as possible in order to nurture a trusting primary relationship with a little girl who has been institutionalized and therefore somewhat neglected during formative first months. I think on many levels we have succeeded but she is also understandably anxious. Every decision I have made has been with this front and formost in terms of my mothering dear AnnaLeisa. She fills my heart completely - like a bloomed flower with many coloured petals - and then we are asked to separate.

I know it is time and that I have orchestrated my work life so that I am away minimally but it is hard. It is a real physical pain in my chest to leave her alone with others that I must - and do - trust. I find myself breathing deeply as I walk down pedestrian streets I had been longing to wander.

Some of my mother reactions were quite humorous.... like waiting for the cellphone to ring from Daycare if they needed me while I was in a grocery store. They made a loudspeaker announcment - maybe about tomatoes - but my first instinct was they were calling me to come to get AnnaLeisa.

Another when I mistakenly stopped at a redlight beside the little troop as they walked back from the gym. AnnaLeisa staring at my car trying to look at me as I hid behind the wheel with my arm raised and boldly turned left so she would not see me....

Little button sleeps now and has the rash recurring and we only hope the next two weeks improve?

Today she played with her doll saying she was going to "work" and ran off only to come "back". So she is working it out... as I am! And fundamentally it is a good thing. I will only need to leave her for 2 mornings a week when my orientation is over. And she will know I do come "back"... and we go "home".

The best is when she runs to me saying "hockey" and I know she has played happily in the gym with her new little buddies.

More of the eastern seas and souls

Because we are still betwixt and between in terms of being in Edmonton but still somewhat remaining in the East I wanted to post some more photos. Specifically of Uncle Daryl and Aunt Julie who traveled from the States to come and see AnnaLeisa. It was great to play with them again. To wander through G'ma's and G'pa's house and at every corner meet another family member willing to play and entertain and to love. Whoooo did AnnaLeisa get loved. And it was so wonderful to have us all at home and to revel in that time. What to say about airplanes and travel and opportunity. My littlel girl is certainly well traveled and it brings us so much closer to all we love. Thank you everyone for a wonderful holiday in the East.

Ohhh and there is Colin ...... our China companion who is now lifeguarding with his brother Derek and who are both busy busy busy. They are young men and spent rousing time with AnnaLeisa.

I am 2 - Two!!!! Our first birthday together!

Yes AnnaLeisa is now two..... and it was nice to be here in NS sharing it with those that came to China -family. I made a cake and felt like a mother; and had such a nice time baking it for her. And she had ice cream for the first time. She loved it and of course learned quite quickly how to say it. What a treat in the summer heat of day and to watch her little tongue sway back and forth trying to catch the little drips. Amazing to watch a child's world open and to see the 'in the moment' delight with such simple little things. It means I get to enter that simplicity too and to catch moments that really life is for. I am reminded frequently by other parents to enjoy this time as it passes so quickly and I do hope that I catch all those moments that I can. To really share her years.

More family shots in Nova Scotia

These are some of the family shots and as you can see we are having fun.....! As AnnaLeisa gets older she does remember more of her loved ones. Colin and Derek are lifeguarding at the seaside and we often played at the beaches. Halifax also offers much at the waterfront so we walked and sat at cafes watching boats go by. We also had use of a friend of my brother's cabin near Risser's beach so that we another time of relaxation... no computers, no phones and just good ole books and some pretty rousing games.

The Nova Scotia seas

It seems that to capture our time in Nova Scotia we will do a number of entries. Despite poor weather for a significant period of time we did manage to have nice play days at the beaches. Our seas here are wonderfully loud and full and complete with sand dunes, seagulls, big waves and time with sand castles and pails and shovels. AnnaLeisa became braver daily and really showed me how careful and adventurous she is! Her Chinese middle name 'Jin' means careful and cautious. She truly knows her limits and I get to respect them. She now knows how to say 'beach', 'happy' and the most common one these days is 'mine'. She adores her G'ma and G'pa and their home will be quiet when we leave on Tues. I think with the weather in Edmonton we were best here in the cooler temps, and in the basement bedroom, as the heat clearly is hard on AnnaLeisa's sleeping.

We had a wonderful time in the East being together while I was on the end tail of my parental leave. When we return to our little house and dogs we both start work - so to speak. I return to part time and AnnaLeisa has another adjustment as she enters the big world of daycare. It is time but I must say this period of being together has been soooo wonderful. I have always thought the art of parenting is to let go graciously at the right times and I now get to know how hard that can be...... I will miss my little side kick.

Great at home shots.... as she grows and grows.....

We have been so busy with much ... not the least of which is trying to organize childcare for AnnaLeisa. Our time at home is soon ending as I need to start part time work in Aug. I dread to see all of this end and on the other hand it may be good for us both as AnnaLeisa loves to play and is an extrovert at heart. And I will miss her dearly and .... well quite possibly (?) I may enjoy going back to work?

We are planning our time home in Nova Scotia as we are with G'ma and G'pa and all of our family from June 25- July 31. Time in the sea and sand... We have good people staying with the puppies and that is nice.

AnnaLeisa has been getting her bottom molars in and I am learning how difficult that is for little ones. Again sleep is disrupted and she needs her Moma. She loves her dolls and stuffed animals and I have to read books to them also. She also loves to feed, rock and sleep with them too....

she is doing so well and we are having ups and downs and I am learning the art of mothering and how humbling all of that can be at times........

an honor and responsibility and such an amazing relationship to nurture another......
Dear AnnaLeisa I love you so......

G'ma and G'pa come to town!

My parents flew from Nova Scotia to visit with us for 10 days and it was a delightful time. Dad of course did much for me including staining a very large fence. And we all enjoyed our girl who sang and danced her way deeper into their hearts. For me it was wonderful to have them stay in our home and live our life with us.... and to share my girl with family that live afar. She thrived on so much attention and really is becoming more and more of a little comic goof. The mornings were early, the days hot and the love abundant. It makes a difference that my parents traveled with us to China as the connection includes her land and her history. They met her when I did and are integral in our relationship.

Thanks Mom and Dad.... we love you! So do Kirby and Lola (who were walked more often).

Mother's Day and Quilts with Meaning

You may remember an older post about all the fabrics collected from dear friends for what is called a " Hundred Good Wishes Quilt". Well here is our finished collection of so much love. It is for AnnaLeisa - for her to snuggle in, to lay on and to read like a book in terms of the many images and all the collections of stories of who contributed. It was orchestrated by my dear friend Rochelle who embodies listening to the mother. Who loves to wait for the flow to direct and who watched this quilt have it's own life and rhythm based on AnnaLeisa and my journey. Through the long wait to referral, to our meeting in China and to the pulse of our now evolving relationship. It was finished this week in time for Mother's Day.

There is a unique front and then a back that was needed to include the many fabrics that arrived.

AnnaLeisa immediately pulled the quilt to her and as you can see her and Kirby have made it home!

We love it! Thank you to all of our friends and family who stitched with us and who sent fabrics to weave into the total of our lives.

Now to snuggle!

Here is a lovely quote I just found about the quilt.....

"It is a tradition exists in the northern part of China to make a Bai Jia Bei (a.k.a. 100 Good Wishes Quilt). When a baby is born, family & friends donate to the child's mother fabric with a written wish for the new baby. It is said that the luck,energy and good wishes from all the families and friends who contributed the fabric surrounds the child when she is wrapped in the quilt. The quilt is then passed down from generation to generation."

The Noodle Noodle Again - visits with China Friends

Our travel group included four families from Alberta...we managed to coordinate ourselves and to traverse through a downtown marathon race to meet at the Noodle Noodle for a scrumptous Dim Sum. It was so great to see everyone and especially the 4 girls after 6 months living with their families. They had enough room to play with big sisters and brothers and to also be photographed with 2 of the dads.

AnnaLeisa in true form devoured much and immediately started to use the chopsticks on her noodles.

I feel it is important for AnnaLeisa to stay connected to her peer "sisters" and also to her homeland China. It may not always be easy but it is one of my priorities. And then one day she will have more to say for herself in this regard and I will honor her choices ......

A West Coast Outing!

AnnaLeisa and I just returned from a very special trip to Vancouver. We had been postponing our journey for ages but then took the leap west. I had lived in Vancouver for 17 years so it is a wonderful and familiar place for me to visit again. And I have deep friends eternal that had yet to meet AnnaLeisa....
It poured the day we arrived and then the sun appeared and the heavens opened and on many levels the doors continued to invite us to enjoy more.

Sean is an old friend whom I hold dearly in my heart for all that he offers me in terms of true friendship. Our love seems to be one that spans the stars
and then plunges deeply to other places that remain mysterious. I thank him for all .......and for meeting me there.
And to Sean's wife Sarah - I say thank you for being the aunt that teaches of earth and connecting .... and playing.
And Laurie..... Auntie... and friend of the songs kind. One who remains....and then some.....forever heart.













... a memorable time and as you can see AnnaLeisa met the sea and the sand and wind .....and the perennial mountain backdrop.....
and now she has inprinted the hearts of many friends.....
thanks....

Our Easter Bunnies

We have been gently reminded that we have not posted in awhile and so I take heed! I really do not know how many people read of our lives but I am touched by those who mention they follow our life and love.

We have been full on! And full in terms of life is so good!

Let us begin with Easter and then repost....We woke to dogs barking and then shadows hopping on our lawn. Dark coats with while pijamas underneath? They hopped about and planted eggs all over our snowy lawn. They then entered the house to AnnaLeisa's delight and gave her a basket with a stuffed bunny... then they hunted...... and hunted and they found treasures of only a bunny kind.....
such such fun! Thanks guys....!

Raspberry Yogurt - our first video post

Well we had such fun last night and I was inspired by friends to post on our blog....

I was not able to post directly but you can access AnnaLeisa and her laugh on youtube... gosh the world is changing..... she just watched herself on this screen and then started to laugh at herself laughing.....

cold again in Edmonton and I do wonder when it will all shift....?

This is AnnaLeisa at Ikea --- she sure does love to push those little shopping carts - must be so much nicer than sitting in one?

We go to Ikea on cold mornings to play in the kids zone. Pushing the cart is more fun than the toys....

We are well and would love to hear from you!
PS: April 9th is 6 months since we met....... Wow! Hard to put this time in perspective as it seems we have always been together......


http://youtube.com/watch?v=mJIiumQtkS4

Growing Up! And Fast!

Spring is arriving and the snow that has been on the ground since our arrival from China in Oct is now surely melting! AnnaLeisa is enjoying her new boots and loves to stomp in the big puddles, the mud, the slush and the remaining snow. It is a hardy challenge as she needs to find new legs on the rough terrain each step. She loves to run up and down little hills but is wary of falling as the few times she has are big surprises!
My girl is growing soooo fast. I look at her lying in bed and am surprised each time by how long her legs are.....not such a baby anymore.

She has many words now including bra! Ball, bird, Mom, up, dog, woof, toe, and ohoh. She is very proud of all of her accomplishments and beams smiles with each new achievement. Just now she has climbed up the chair next to me and then back down. Such a smile!

She is also now taking off all of her clothes and then attempting to put them on. Hard for me to keep my girl warm. It is interesting to see the arrangements she orchestrates with her attempts. One foot in a pantleg and then the other trying to go in the bottom of the other leg. She gets tangled and frustrated but perseveres regardless.

We are still not sleeping well ..... AnnaLeisa wakes every 2-3 hours so a night with one spell beyond 3 hours is a reason to celebrate. She starts in her crib then joins me at some point and we toss..... and cuddle. What to do?!

The photos here are during one of our many walks..... we still love the ravine and watching me push the stroller up the ravine slush hills with AnnaLeisa and two dogs in toe must be a sight.
Here is one of the first times AnnaLeisa touched a tree..... she loves the pine trees and insists on me picking a small sprig for her to hold during our walks. Even not minding the prickles.


This is AnnaLeisa in a friend's coat and boots. All are free for attempts at mastering dressing up!

And soon we will be out on the sidewalk with various "wheels". She loves this toy and of course those hot boots.

Well.... off to playgroup. Have a great week-end.
Karla and AnnaLeisa

Chinese New Year 2007 at the Noodle Noodle Dim Sum

For the last two years I have attended the Chinese New Year event at the Noodle Noodle restaurant dreaming.....! I loved seeing the girls and meeting all the parents but it was all in anticipation of meeting my own daughter. Well this Chinese New Year was soooo full for me ..... AnnaLeisa and I were there together and I was beaming with love and joy. To have her home and with all of the other little girls was rich. She had a great time eating Chinese Dim Sum and sat next to her orphanage friend in a high chair. (They lived together at Leizhou and probably played together). At one point we looked over and they were holding hands.

It was nice to see old friends and to encourage and support those waiting.

The Dragon did dance into the restaurant with very very loud drums and that frightened AnnaLeisa so we missed the parade and made our way home for a needed nap. Satiated and full on many levels.

Camera news...

There was a tantalizing string hanging from the table and of course AnnaLeisa pulled on it! Who wouldn't? So it was attached to my camera.... it is now in for an estimate and possible repairs...
This week end is Chinese New Year and we are moving into the year of the pig. So I will purchase a disposable camera and try to post AnnaLeisa's picture from our Dim Sum celebration on Sunday. P.S. She is great!

our new look! to cut or not to cut?

Well as you can see our girl is growing rapidly and continues to shock me with her new realms. She comprehends pretty much everything I say to her and is now saying new words daily. Including "no, no, no, no "repetitively! She has me laughing outright frequently. The other day we were in the mall and I attempted to find some hair products for her long bangs and this was one touted item. I was laughing so loud in the mall as she cruised down the hall. Well, as you can see, it is so cute and so AnnaLeisa in terms of her persona....... and her mothers... not so adept at the girly things. The barretts were even more askew. But I also realized few of our blog photos show her smile and her joy. Her sense of humor is also growing daily.

On a positive and long awaited note we slept the last two nights for 6 consecutive hours and that has been the first! Hurrah! She still has small itchy sores which we now attribute to "post scabies pustulosis". Certainly not anticipated as I had never heard of them .... and they apparently are here for awhile... but otherwise her skin is fantasitic.

I love her dearly and am so happy.... we are active and at the library or playgroups and she remains an extrovert with a close eye out for Moma.

What can I say...... she's my girl! My little warrior.

Our Wonderful Quilt!

We have a wonderful tradition with my fellow colleagues to create a quilt for members who are either leaving, getting married or having a child. We get together and cooperatively make a personalized quilt for the team member. It usually occurs over time with one evening where we come together and chat and sew and drink a little wine. (After the finer details have been completed!). It is a wonderful tradition and has created a bond such as I have not known in any other work setting.

Before I left for Nova Scotia holidays the girls gave AnnaLeisa and I a shower and we were presented with our own unique quilt. It was taken from the first page insert of a book entitled


"The Great Race" by David Bouchard. It won the Canadian Children's Book Center Choice Award and is essentially a book detailing how the Chinese Astrology came to be! The paintings are wonderful and the animals beautifully presented.
We both love the quilt and the book and the quilt is now in my car as I proudly take it on our travels to show off. Soon it will be hanging in AnnaLeisa's bedroom - that is if she lets go of it!
A special thanks to Pat who has been the creative and life force behind the projects!
I love our quilt!

Our Christmas past!

Here is AnnaLeisa with her cousins Brett and Derek (Colin's brothers). She was loved up and loved up! So wonderful to see her joy!
And the family photos is the first of all of us together! What a year this has been dear daughter!

Our Christmas was somewhat tainted but trips to the doctor, the Children's emergency room and finally an emergency dermatologist apt here in Nova Scotia. AnnaLeisa has developed a rash that became progressively worse to the point where she would scream and dig and her mom and her would both be crying in the night. The GP recommended a scabies treatment that would supposedly make the itch worse. Well it did and in the night Grandma and I took her to emerg for relief. At this point they said it was not scabies and made a referral to a derm. specialist. Who then said that she could not say it was not scabies.... so a retreatment. And creams and creams... for the dermatitis that could have been caused by too many changes..... internally and externally the weather has seen dramatic shifts.

So the long and short of it is that AnnaLeisa is now back to sleeping on Moma's chest as that is when she settles and has relief. Full circle and into co-sleeping again.

She has been brilliant in all of this! And we are more bonded than ever. So hopefully our return to Edmonton on the 11th will be less dramatic in terms of adjustment.

Great photos eh?!

Nova Scotia Christmas with Family

Here we are in Nova Scotia with all of our family. My brother Daryl and his wife Julie flew in from Pennsylvania to meet AnnaLeisa and we all spent a wonderful Christmas together with my parents and with Colin's brothers. It was all a big hit as AnnaLeisa entertained us all with her antics and in the moment wonder. She certainly has a large spirit and capacity for laughter and for love.
Here are the two of us on Christmas day and it is our first. She loved the balls on the tree and all of the teddy bears around the house and in various boxes she opened. Especially the one made by her cousins Colin, Derek and Brett as it says "I love you" when you squeeze the little paw. Roughhousing with her adolescent male cousins is also a big hit and all in all I think all the love she received is settling deeply into her little body.
Christmas and family... can't go wrong. Wishing everyone a good season and a peaceful New Year. May your dreams come true as mine has!

I am learning all about Christmas!

My goodness life has been full for me... today I met Santa... did not go near him but did see him from afar. Red is what I remember! I stuck close to Mom just to be sure. And then that big bag full of toys, books and stuffed animals. I could not get enough out of it. I put everything back in it too. Just wanted to touch everything.
And the food ... well I could not sign to my Mom fast enough to try all those goodies. "More, more, more" I kept signing. Good thing she listens.
And then there was the dancing. Three of us little ones entertained all the adults with our moves. It looks as though I have a little heart for the arts as I keep noticing music, dance, artwork and just all around have pretty good taste.
That was the party, as for other news. Mom plunked me in the crib finally. And now I can sleep. I did not like it at first but she stayed close, touched and talked to me. She also keeps that nice Celtic lullaby on so that I can sing a bit. It is not bad and I do not keep trying to get hugs all night now. That was fun!
So talk to you soon.
time for bed - says Mom.

It's all about sleep!

And a lack thereof... this is my girl settling and relaxing taking time to rejuventate. And me ...well last night we woke twice and I felt as though I had my best sleep yet. And for the first time since I was about 8 years old I am in bed and asleep by 0900 hoping to get 6 consecutive hours of deep sleep. AnnaLeisa wakes frequently through the night in our bed to open her little arms and ask for a cuddle. I invite her into my arms only to have her promptly fall asleep with an elbow in my trachea ... or to roll off and to ask again with open arms for me to enfold her. Well what can one say! It has been a process of me allowing her and also very very gently saying no and letting her settle next to me versus on!
We are getting there... little cherub wakes in the middle of the night to give kisses either to myself or to the teddy.

Last night I snuggled into bed next to her and listened to her soft breathing and marveled that she was there....next to me. It really can move you to wonder and love so quickly. AnnaLeisa being trusting and being cozy to the extent that she can at this point in time. Really I still marvel. The days can be long and somewhat housebound in minus 28 degrees C but all in all we are great. She is here .... and she is sleeping and soon I will get more.

Home Three weeks today!

Whew... Time has an amazing way of changing and moving and standing still.... Really three weeks!
Mom has now returned to Nova Scotia with a full heart and many photos of our girl. And I miss our tag-team venture. Gary, my brother and Colin's father has also come and had AnnaLeisa giggling most of the time. They had quite a time connecting with many laughs. I had a shower and a nap!
And I am now alone with her in our little abode with dogs and much snow. Today I caught her feeding Lola and Kirby from her booster chair. Now they love her!!
We are still getting to know each other and every now and then I can see a question in her eyes as to whether I am staying....
It has been a significant shift for both of us to be together and we are taking day by day in terms of finding a routine. We still do not quite have our groove.....
Last week we went to two playgroups as I love to get out, to not be housebound in the winter snow.

I was an elderly woman in the first and felt quite conspicuous. AnnaLeisa was also somewhat tentative but then quickly warmed up to all the push toys.
Then the next day we trouped off to a Mandarin speaking playgroup for Chinese students and their families. I loved it and will go regularly. I know it to be good for AnnaLeisa to have exposure to her culture and I loved the women's genuine kindness. It was so cute to see AnnaLeisa at the table eating with all the children. Next time I will bring a camera.....
So we are well enjoying our friends who drop by and sometimes with wonderful thoughtful food....
Thank you.....

We're home a week today!

My dear angel... you change and grow each day with such vigour... and I marvel. You are now asleep upstairs in our bed and I have the Beijing lullabies playing near the remote. It has been a week since our time in China and I cannot believe you are in our home. And what has it meant for you to leave your land? It seems a massive transition and I see somehow you are capable of great transformation and adaptation. You are an outgoing and vivacious little girl who has already captivated hearts with your way. Each time I take a moment to be with you and to let myself really meet you and who you are ...my heart bursts....
Grandma is still here and it has been a very tough week for us in terms of sleep and all of being sick with something or other...?
soon this phase will be over too and we will then have a simple routine. I must include children in your life AnnaLeisa as you really are an extrovert and thrive in the world of people.
Sweet dreams my love....

off to our new hotel!

Here is G'ma and G'pa with AnnaLeisa! We are all pretty tight now. AnnaLeisa is sick today with a cold and constipation so not so happy and we have to check out at noon and not get to our new hotel until this evening. Not a good day all in all and tomorrow the dreaded flight. Wish us luck. We are all tired and ready to come home. Except Colin... he is having a blast and I am happy about that.
so until Canada our love.

She is great and matching us in our fatigue.

home sweet home....
how cold is it?

Seems I might have been able to post a photo of my newphew Colin and AnnaLeisa from this morning. She is so sweet to play with... giggles and really just curious and making leaps and bounds daily in her learning curve and her experience of her very changed world. Colin has been extraordinary with helping the two of us. I could not have done it without he and my folks.
AnnaLeisa went to Grandpa today and hugged him spontaneously and that is big! She will play with all three and is more than happy to be with us all but to me for the 'Mothering' things. It is nice. Noone could have prepared me for this trip and for motherhood. My goodness it is all much in terms of my learning curve too.
So we are well and this part of the journey is fast ending. I expect that Mom and I will take time to settle AnnaLeisa with the jetlag shift but my girl is an extrovert and I think we can have visitors soon upon our return.
I cannot wait for everyone to meet her!
I am sure she will change your world too.
The five of us shopped today and had a blast at a local market.
Again much love.

AnnaLeisa dear you are a little flower and everyday I get to know you more. You are a wide range of much my angel and my only plan is to help you grow and broaden into all that you can be. You light up the room with your delighted smile and you throaty laugh.
night all
see you soon!

The Great Wall and AnnaLeisa

It is now Sunday evening and I cannot begin to relay everything ....it has been so much!
Today we traveled to the Great Wall and had a great time. AnnaLeisa is a combination of many things.... she loves to be engaged and to connect so is best outdoors and being with life ... and she is very shy to strangers also. So we trooped with her in my snuggly and wandered amidst many many people.
She is a real delight and is so connected to me it is amazing. We are a team already. At this point she will go to noone else so my shoulders and body are aching as she is strong and very very active. And I love having her close.
And I think she is the only one I have met who chortles. Really her giggle is so infectious. Everyone is tired but good and all the babies and parents are adjusting.

Tomorrow I am up early in the am to take her to the medical appointment and I am sure she will pass with gold stars.
Mom, Dad and Colin are brilliant and such a help. Tomorrow they go to the Beijing Zoo and to the Chinese Acrobats and I will stay home to relax.
I cannot believe we leave Fri.
I send my love and then some....
It is a wonder to see these girls flower ...
I feel such a love for this little girl and we are still learning about each other and have not yet been together a week!
Last night she slept her first night through with only waking once for consoling and I think she is starting to relax and to settle a little bit.

off to Beijing

A lazy day in Guangzhou....

Seems I have finally figured out my blog while here... could not locate my username and password as I linked it at home! Details seem so important now. Thanks for all the notes!

AnnaLeisa is beside me now sound asleep in a very very vibrant green stroller. We just walked the pearl river wall in the heat of noon and she loved the cobblestones bumping her.

We had a rough night as she cried for 2 1/2 hours ....inconsolable and I could see I was not quite doing what was familier. I can imagine her waking in the night to such strangeness.. even A/C. So I had to bounce and walk and eventually she fell asleep on my chest. Was not having the crib dispite 2 nights of sleeping in it. She is exposed to so much right now and it is rightfully overwhelming. At first glance or attemtp to master anything or to be exposed to anything she is frustrated but quickly moves to mastery. She is now pulling everything down from everywhere and walking all around the room. She is a delight. Shocking how much they change every day. Everyone in the group is fairing well and I must say Yulin from our Agency is marvelous.... could not imagine this without her.

Mom Dad and Colin went to a group breakfast and then to a city tour of Guangzhou. I wanted us to be quiet and to just have an easy day. It was nice to walk.

Colin helped me all night and is learning much fast.... AnnaLeisa is ticklish and giggles outloud when he plays with her... which he truly enjoys. The girls here are noticing my handsome newphew....He is also my coffee runner.

Again much love and if I can this evening I will post photos... if not wonderfully sleeping. We may have more luck in Beijing and we go there tomorrow. Cannot believe how fast this is all going....too fast really.

Again all my love and then some from us both...
my goodness she is perfect.
Karla and AnnaLeisa
Mom Dad and Colin

Wow it has been almost three days together!

I cannot believe I have been unable to post until now.... I have met my girl and she is everything I imagined and more! I am a very busy and active mother of a delightful and very personable girl.
We met on Monday and as we went to the civic affairs office at the top of the stairs suddenly there were Chinese women with babies in their arms and the first one was AnnaLeisa. I knew her immediately and we both looked directly in each others eyes. It was her chin I knew! I broke down sobbing and could do so now again. I had to then go in a room with the other parents and wait. I knew she was across the hall so tried to catch glimpses but alas had to wait. And then she arrived... howling and screaming there was as much tears as snot... gosh she went for it.
I was able to take her into the nannies and have them hold her again and the head one must have had a connection with AnnaLeisa as she would hold her and speak very loudly and rock her vigorously.... Like I will never be able to...
She then gradually pointed to me and said Mama Mama and would touch me and bring her close to me. It was like the kindest most gradual transfers. One could see AnnaLeisa knew what was going on and she fought tooth and nail... Strong nature this little girl.
Then we hung around amidst wailing babies and parents. So great Mom and Dad and Colin were here and to share. They were very moved.
After awhile we went on the bus and AnnaLeisa slept. Once her and I were in the room alone awhile she sat and played with a single toy for a long time. I did get a smile or two out of her... it was a very sweet time together and as long as I provide some curiousity for distraction she shifts her emotion.
She slept from 8-7 am and soundly too.....
(Her mom on the other hand has not been sleeping since Edmonton Yikes).
The next day was overwhelming paper work at the Civic Affairs office and really hard acutally. AnnaLeisa did have more time with her nanny and again another transferring so to speak. Broke my heart to see her reaching for the women she knew so well...
And today she is really blossoming... smiling and laughing and all round just curious. It is now 10 pm on Wed and just before bed she decided she could walk so she is into and throwing everything. All new behavour and a true testament to resilience.
I love her... she called me Moma on the second day.... (thanks to the Nanny). And she really does know who I am to her. She comes to me for everything and I console and love her as much as possible. I am singing to her and somehow imagining wings from my heart that emerge from my chest to cacoon and to hold her and that she feels this support completely.
good night....
lovingly
Karla and AnnaLeisa....
we'll see about some photos soon. Hard here as very busy.

China bound.

I am now packing... and packing and then some. AnnaLeisa I meet you a week tomorrow on Thanksgiving day. I am now washing the dogs, washing your linen for your crib, clearing space for Gramma's clothes (she is staying for 2 weeks here in Edmonton) and getting sooo many hugs from everyone who wishes us well. Dear heart when I think of the changes you will experience I am packing only to make that all easier for you. It is big honey! New food, new smells, new language; and a big change in the way of relating. And as much as I am excited and preparing you are living your life as before. Do you hear my heartbeat....? The thread is about to draw closer.

I leave on Tues the 3rd of Oct and fly to Vancouver to see Sean, Sarah and of course Laurie. Then Gramma flies from Nova Scotia to meet me in Vancouver. Her and I then jaunt to Hong Kong to get over jetlag and shop for you. Maybe in Kowloon? On Sun Grampa and cousin Colin arrive to have a quick supper and then a lesson in how to use the DVD for the next day when we meet you. Darling Darling ... I am practising lullabies... singing in my heart to you. Little diddies and soft soothing songs for you to settle.
Are you waking up now. Is the orphanage also preparing? A faster beat of anticipation. Tender touches to you my dear all along a moonbeam.

Dearest Daughter

Dearest Daughter...
I cannot believe we will meet soon. I am so excited I cannot sleep and everyday imagine our first glimpse of each other. I know it will be a big day for you, a long bus ride and all strange. Then somehow you will be plunked into my arms in the midst of chaos. Other babies, cameras flashing and an overall hubbub. I will be quiet in the midst of it all and just be with you so gently. Quiet, gentle time AnnaLeisa. And maybe in that you will be consoled in your transition time. I hope so honey. I am there for you... and will trust you will communicate what you need and that somehow I will muddle through to understanding.
I love you... It is a clear night and soon I will tuck you in.... soon.

AnnaLeisa's "Welcoming"

AnnaLeisa!

Look at the beautiful Cake from Auntie Praveeta and the cookies ... both with hearts for you!

Auntie Gretchen hosted a party in your honor... One where we all came together and shared a loving space for you to enter.....

We all quietly mingled and said your name. Wait until you meet each one as they are unique and special.

All of our friends came together and bought us a DVD camcorder! That is for you so you can look back and see yourself and enjoy many images growing up! Firstly we will film when we meet for the first time while we are in China. (P.S. Very very soon)

Gretchen also organized for everyone to paint their own special wooden heart to go an a larger heart shape and then it will be hung in your bedroom.... they were wonderfully unique hearts and I can tell you who made each one!

It was a wonderful party....so kind, loving and embracing. We are a lucky duet my dear. The power of the combined heart is only magical. And here is your picture in the center of it all!

Your quilting aunties!

These are some of your quilting aunties...!
Rochelle and I thought ages ago it would be nice for you to have a quilt with fabrics from all of the family and friends who are part of your life. We thought the love in the fabrics would be nice for you to feel. So people sent fabrics from far and wide. And soooo many colors.
Then we found out it is a tradition in China for the village women to hand stitch quilts for newborns. And then we found out that the adoptive community also makes what is called a "hundred good wishes quilt" for adoptive children. Everyone sending good wishes! So a year ago we started! This picture is of Praveeta, Zizi, Marina and Gretchen hand stitching the hearts with red thread. Rochelle is the quilter extra -ordinaire ... you have yet to meet her in the photos.

We had a lovely evening.... weaving you into the fabric of our lives.... each one with a little special flare or stitch. Each auntie will bring you different treasures of the heart... different gifts.

Anna Leisa

I so love connecting with you this way! My heart sings with writing to you and imagining you hear my words in your heart..
It is thundering now and always this will connect me to you. In that place where thunder rocks you in the chest with deep reverberations; a chesty song that roars with life.
I have your name now.... Anna Leisa Lei Jin Fu Sonnichsen. We will call you "Leisa" with the memory of thunder in your world.
I love you dear ... and in these days I also miss you!

Meeting You!

Dr. Aung, our local traditional Chinese doctor who also practices western medicine met you(www.aung.com). He was so happy to see your face and to learn your very very good name. He wants to meet with you some day and said he wants to tell you how "interesting you are". He is such a kind and compassionate man and in his Buddhist teachings understood you and I to be very good together. We will go and see him one day and you will see he is very very wise. He said your name is good: Lei is 'thunder' and gives you strength, Jin is 'scholastic and earthly , and Fu is 'good fortune'. He says it means you will have hardship but that you will come up from that. He meditated on us that night and I know a meeting in the spirit occurred. Soon I will know your western name.

Little tremblings....

I think honey our little house shook yesterday... There was so much energy in our little home that the walls jiggled and the roof popped off a couple of times. I think there was so much happening right here that you probably felt it there? A little tremble of love. We had so many visitors and calls and emails and well wishes. Everyone thought you were beautiful, well cared for and healthy....wise and in general just perfect. We all welcome you.
I am so happy. Carrying your picture with me everywhere....

Referral Day!!!!

We are all soooo excited today my love!! You are now in all of my pores! We are bonded now and all it takes is a few weeks and I'll be there to take your hand.

You have a secret on your lips in the baby bald picture. One I will playfully coax our of you daily. It is your little smile that the other two photos don't show. You are a little shy and timid I think. But you will know me and trust me soon and we'll walk together..... Gently at first and then surely.

Gramma cried when she saw you and it is Granpa's birthday and he could not get a better present.

I sit now at Alberta Children's services waiting for your file and writing to you of my love.

You are perfect!

Jin Fu Lei

June 28, 2005

Leizhou, Guongdong

17 lbs and 27"at 10 months of age

4 teeth

Hi honey.... are you up now? In some kind of morning routine.... eating, sleeping, playing and hopefully some cuddling?

It is gently raining here and it feels so quiet as I think of you. Today I found out your files have left China and I imagine them on a plane being transported through the skies. I have to keep reminding myself it is not you! I think you are coming. And I am so excited. So the next little wait may be awhile.

Here are Gramma and Granpa. Tonight I called them in Nova Scotia and they were watching a movie on Beijing. They think I need to tie a rope to them so they do not get lost. Imagine!

We are still waiting.... quietly and joyfully

Well there has been a delay but I wanted you to know that on the 15th of July I knew we were matched... I could feel you in my chest! I knew as I beamed with it! And since then I have relaxed into our permanence. Yahhh! And now I hear your photo may arrive early next week.
Are these the two cutest dogs in the world. They are ours.... and they are in for a big surprise when you arrive. Kirby and Lola will adore you! Night sweetie.

Referrals are coming!

Hi again little girl....
I just read that the CCAA is sending referrals as planned and I may see your darling little face in the next week. I am soooo excited. It looks as thought Grandma and Grandpa and your cousin Colin are all coming to greet you.
Sometime in September we will arrive and then see you in person .....and hold you.
I can't wait to start to learn who you are
what makes you giggle ... and smile... and content.
to get to know your rhythms.
Soon you and I will have time to develop a beat together.
It will take a little time but what a team we will make
much love my girl.
we are closer

Hi Little one!

Well ... it has been one year today since I was logged in to China's files. I thought I would be expecting a referral in Jan. and then meeting you in March! It has been a long wait and with many ups and downs. I have read and read and read and met with other adoptive parents and their children. I have finished your room and only today went to frame some of Sean's painting for your walls.

Last night I tossed and turned wondering if we were being matched today. Has the thread been tied? Seems like something has changed?

I love you .... do you know the possibility of attaching at this point. Do you know that one person can love you? Like the Little Prince and his Rose?

I am here.

the matching month

Hi You!

Here I am in the hot July heat and wondering if you are sleeping and hot too? It is the matching month and I wonder how it is done? Sometime this month someone in a china office will know to match me with you. Will they look in my eyes and see you? Or will they, as the rumours say, go by the bone structure from my face ? I acutally see some kind of logic in that. Some kind of Chinese understanding of the rhythms of generations and how we pass on stories through our bodies. How is the matching done? And in the moment that we are matched will I know? Will you?

Soon we are to meet.

I feel my little thin thread loosely floating from my heart... an unconnected heart string. Patiently waiting and occassionally flapping. Is it red? I think so. The Chinese myth of two who are destined having red threads that eventually meet each and then they are connected... to never part. Do you feel yours?

It is late as I again contemplate names? More roll of my tongue and I wait for the matching date. The time when I see your face and hear the name that you are hearing every day. The one rolling off of caretakers tongues.... shall we keep it?

Soon......

Hello little one!

Hi dear heart... I am sitting under a darkening sky with the stars aglow and wondering where you are. I have been waiting for you and soon we will meet far from here.. in your land.

I kiss you gently this night.... in my mind....softly on your cheek.. and wonder if you feel a light brushing across your skin?