Winter is dripping away - hurray!

Finally signs of spring and the thaw... I really do love the renewal of all that is alive. Naked trees start to dress and the mud smells refreshingly like all that is to come.... I think I endure winters and especially now that it involves so much dressing when AnnaLeisa and I venture out. But here are some images. One is of AnnaLeisa in a New Years hat with her hockey stick and skates indoors. The others are also of Mom when she was here at Christmas. So yes, we do get out, we do have fun and Halleluliah!! - it appears to be ending. Days are longer, daylight savings is here, we are on trikes and as AnnaLeisa says 'no mittens Mommy?"

Chinese New Year was as poignant as always for me! The time spent waiting and now the celebration of our children's heritage and cultures. We had fun playing games at a Chinese party for our Mandarin class and as you can see the gentleman enjoying AnnaLeisa's flying demo! She is also posing with her orphanage friend with the funny faces and I love that they continue to see each other also. Thank you to the local Chinese community for your gracious invitations!

A photo shoot!

We quickly ran into Sears to have a photography session late in November so that we could send some nice Christmas presents to our family and friends. I was very sceptical, both in terms of the final quality, and also whether AnnaLeisa would be able to sit and engage. Well were we impressed! The black shoes dominated the dress photo but the Chinese outfit won hands down.
She had a lovely time with the young photographer and she was able to "catch" AnnaLeisa in many many ways. We were thrilled and so were the receivers. I have been remiss in terms of finally posting them and as you can imagine she is already changed and new again. She bursts forward again and again and I love every little stage. She is talking away... singing constantly and plays with full force.

The Hairstylist? or the Doctor? Or Nurse?

AnnaLeisa is having fun exploring her vocation. I'd say she has some interesting clientele - (Especially the guy with no hair!). Some days I think she will be a musical prodigy; others have me quite concerned that I am going to be a "hockey mom" in the bleachers screaming. Whatever, her imagination is quite intact and her range in terms of the gender gap is healthy. Today she mentioned she is a boy.... so each day brings new surprises and the new year has begun. Happy New Year to everyone! From us......

Our First Christmas at Home has been Magical

We have been enjoying our very very simple season with G'ma and G'pa and it has been so perfect. Quiet and magical with AnnaLeisa's innocence at this time of year. We have been skating and on horse drawn wagon rides; we have sat with Santa and watched string quartets play carols and we have opened our first stocking on Christmas morn. All AnnaLeisa could say was "came, Santa came" with total incredulity; she was in magic and miracle. So we are happy in our little home. Quiet in the snow with little movement to Malls and the like. Seems it should be a tradition to just keep it simple. Quiet and very restful. Thanks to G'ma and G'pa for those delicious lie -ins in the morning.

Look at You!

Daily you take me to new depths and this week we have returned to China and your roots far sooner than I imagined. We have read some books from the library that depict little girls and their journey from orphanages in China. You want to look at them regularly and you have me read them over and over; especially the sections with pictures of nannies looking after all the babies in their cribs. You take your doll and cuddle her saying you are her nanny. And we look at all our photos from China; your nannies and when you and I met. You can point to a map and tell me where your home was and you say it with such pride. I had no idea how soon we would be chatting about your roots and your journey. I love that you are engaged so much and with such true enthusiasm towards your homeland; we will visit again AnnaLeisa.

And tonight I giggle at your emerging imagination as you drag your computer keyboard around the house by the cord as it is now a dog. You give clear commands to "sit" and to "tum". You are now asleep with the keyboard lying beside you - where all pets should be.

And you also spoke your first 4 word sentence much to G'pa's delight. "Tuming, Papa, soon, happy".

Yes... you are my dearest ..... dear dear girl. Sleep well.

One Year Together!

One year! A whole year! I am so amazed at how much has happened for us both. We are such a little unit (+ the dogs) and our little bond is now a big bubble. AnnaLeisa amazes me in her joy and her natural tendency to be happy. From a frightened little girl she has emerged as a very assertive (two year old) who has a sense of humour and also a heart which naturally leans to compassion. I cherish our times cuddling and navigating the world.

I continue to be humbled by my role in her life and the patterning and blueprinting I establish on an organic level. The last year has been one of immense insight and I thank everyone who has helped us along the way! From gifts we play with, wear, or dance to; to time spent making memories, to feedback that has helped us grow - we have only benefited.

Work is going well, AnnaLeisa grabs every moment at daycare and we come home early to be together during the afternoon.

We finish our final report with our Social Worker tomorrow and with that memo a note of gratitude will go to China. It is only deep gratitude that I know when I drop into my chest and ponder my life and how it has changed and been enriched by my girl AnnaLeisa. To the deepest part of myself and to China - Thank you.

Uncle Gary Came to Visit!

And we had a great time just hanging and playing and all that goes along with being family. Gary has three teenage boys so he is great at entertaining and being with the little ones. I think he misses it actually. Until we came downstairs and woke him at unearthly hours! He did enjoy being with a little girl though as you can see it may be his first time holding a doll? Can't quite get over the look of surprise on his face. And what about the little swimmer. Gary's boys are competitive swimmers in Nova Scotia so this is a shot of AnnaLeisa proudly wearing Gary's swim goggles. She looks sooo funny being one of the family. Your cousins will be suitably proud dear girl. Now if only you weren't so afraid of the water.

Noah!

Noah is our little friend who often comes to play with AnnaLeisa. As you can see they are good mates and in looks quite opposite. AnnaLeisa often speaks of Noah and comments regularly on his Momma who is now almost 9 months pregant. She somehow knew she had a baby inside and wants it to "wake". She often touches little baby in the belly in a quiet and reverent way so as to be very touching. Come by when you can Noah ... we love to have you play with us! Here they are watching and cuddling to Thomas the Tank; AnnaLeisa's favorite as we drive by trains daily and she chants "Choo Choo".

Our New Do!

Gosh we have fun at Daycare! I arrived to take AnnaLeisa home and imagine my surprise when I saw that back of her head in this wild do! They said it matched her personality. I agree... they actually mentioned that she can be so happy you can see every cell is popping. Here she is at home counting her fingers as we have it now scripted in terms of her day. One is Daycare, then Bye, Play Play Play, Back (me) and then Home. She has me recite this quite frequently and you can see here she is palming a plum instead of one of her precious finds - stones. And of course her thumb.

Autumn New Moon Festival

We commemorated Autumn New Moon Festival with other families in Chinatown. These are some of the girls after dinner as they played in the restaurant. (AnnaLeisa is in the red outfit) This holiday is the Chinese day for acknowledging ancestors and is particularly poignant for AnnaLeisa and I as we remember her parents and her lineage. It was like a silent prayer of gratitude and honour and also a request for guidance in terms of best allowing AnnaLeisa to know her roots.
The girls are now familiar with each other and have such a nice time together when we do meet. AnnaLeisa has me recite each girls name repeatedly when we drive home.

I cannot believe we have not posted for so long ! Whoops.... and we are great..... As you can see.

I posted the photo of AnnaLeisa's long hair as we laughed and laughed to see it so long. She has gorgeous hair and I have only cut the bangs thus far and think maybe we may need to reconsider that soon?

In any event I am now back at work. AnnaLeisa is enjoying daycare and is somewhat the class goof or clown already. She knows all her little friends by name and she loves to eat there too. She still cries when I leave but I listen outside of the door and she stops before I count to 5. And she loves loves loves to come home.

I on the otherhand did not consider the aspect that work would now be a factor in my time. Our home is sadly needing cleaning and also the dogs had to adjust to our being away.

But we are well..... and these last two days have been of us not driving the car. Walking the dogs in the ravine. Walking slowly enough for AnnaLeisa to contemplate each stone and to palm them with such tenderness. And to just be together..... I have loved it.

Some of these shots are also in Chinatown of Edmonton. Eating noodles and remembering China from last October.

I love being with AnnaLeisa ... she is genuinely happy and often I hear her singing off by herself or watch her dancing and shaking her little butt to her own beat. I am as happy as I have ever known and now feel confident that our post China adjustment has really occurred.

Now to get an evening of Tango in as I miss my little dance.

The DayCare Dialogues

Although I have few recent photos I wanted to post an entry about our transition to daycare. I must say that the daycare is exceptional and I trust all of the workers have AnnaLeisa's best interests at heart. She is hard not to care for!

And it has been much much more difficult than I imagined. We started with me staying and playing and introducing her to the physical environment and to the new routines. This was all good.... playing with Mom and with many children and new friends around - what could be better? Great! And it was all reasonably ok when I started to leave for short times.

Then I started to leave for longer and managed to stay in coffee shops nearby in case they called and she needed me ( so lucky I could do this). All still reasonably ok...

Then she broke out in total body hives - some as large as 2 inches in diameter. That was when my heart broke and I realized how hard and big all of this was for her!

Her inner stress was now manifesting on her body. I know AnnaLeisa expresses much through her skin but this was the most dramatic it had looked. And ....she was still sleeping, eating and playing so managing quite well on the whole.

Then we returned on Monday for 4 mornings. Her skin healed thanks to a homeopathic remedy. Well..... it was progressively harder for her and for myself as the week progressed. Her four sequential words to describe the process is "daycare", "bye", "back"and "home". I continually reassure her that I come back and I know embodying this will take time for her. She loves coming "home". She is pale and exhausted and also very needy of her Mom. I try to give her as much control and attention as she needs and now we are home for a very very quiet and restful weekend before another week of 4 mornings. This week I must work.

As I explained to another.... I have spent all my time 24/7 "bonding" with my little girl. "Attaching", "Connecting" and "Being there" as much as possible in order to nurture a trusting primary relationship with a little girl who has been institutionalized and therefore somewhat neglected during formative first months. I think on many levels we have succeeded but she is also understandably anxious. Every decision I have made has been with this front and formost in terms of my mothering dear AnnaLeisa. She fills my heart completely - like a bloomed flower with many coloured petals - and then we are asked to separate.

I know it is time and that I have orchestrated my work life so that I am away minimally but it is hard. It is a real physical pain in my chest to leave her alone with others that I must - and do - trust. I find myself breathing deeply as I walk down pedestrian streets I had been longing to wander.

Some of my mother reactions were quite humorous.... like waiting for the cellphone to ring from Daycare if they needed me while I was in a grocery store. They made a loudspeaker announcment - maybe about tomatoes - but my first instinct was they were calling me to come to get AnnaLeisa.

Another when I mistakenly stopped at a redlight beside the little troop as they walked back from the gym. AnnaLeisa staring at my car trying to look at me as I hid behind the wheel with my arm raised and boldly turned left so she would not see me....

Little button sleeps now and has the rash recurring and we only hope the next two weeks improve?

Today she played with her doll saying she was going to "work" and ran off only to come "back". So she is working it out... as I am! And fundamentally it is a good thing. I will only need to leave her for 2 mornings a week when my orientation is over. And she will know I do come "back"... and we go "home".

The best is when she runs to me saying "hockey" and I know she has played happily in the gym with her new little buddies.

More of the eastern seas and souls

Because we are still betwixt and between in terms of being in Edmonton but still somewhat remaining in the East I wanted to post some more photos. Specifically of Uncle Daryl and Aunt Julie who traveled from the States to come and see AnnaLeisa. It was great to play with them again. To wander through G'ma's and G'pa's house and at every corner meet another family member willing to play and entertain and to love. Whoooo did AnnaLeisa get loved. And it was so wonderful to have us all at home and to revel in that time. What to say about airplanes and travel and opportunity. My littlel girl is certainly well traveled and it brings us so much closer to all we love. Thank you everyone for a wonderful holiday in the East.

Ohhh and there is Colin ...... our China companion who is now lifeguarding with his brother Derek and who are both busy busy busy. They are young men and spent rousing time with AnnaLeisa.